Sources Say Yes

Current weather: monsoon. Current mood: cozy. But tinged with a little lonely, a little sad. A little homesick.

unnamed

It’s 3:00pm and we’re already talking last light. My boots and bra and bobby pins were all abandoned in quick succession fifteen minutes ago, and I’m thinking I’m done for the day, in for the night. It’s really raining. As it’s occasionally known to do, in the Pacific Northwest.

unnamed-5

It’s good weather for milky coffee, for thickly sliced toast, for room temperature butter, for the mixture of cinnamon and sugar you used to “make” as a kid. Heavy on the sugar, easy on the cinnamon.

It’s good weather for the socks that don’t really fit into any of your shoes. It’s good weather for the tagless sweatshirt you begged/borrowed/stole from one of your older brothers, not all that long ago. That zip-up with its too-long sleeves and still-soft hood saw you through 90% of that transition from youth to adult, during that time when you desperately needed home to be the unchanging rock you assumed it was for your entire childhood.

unnamed-1

It’s good weather for reading and good weather for writing. Good weather for thinking. Good weather for reminiscing — for missing and wishing — for just a moment or two.

unnamed-3

I’ll tell you what it’s not, though — it’s not good weather for crying. Crying jags are best slated for days you can slip out onto the fire escape, clamber up to the topmost step, and immediately tilt your face up towards the sun.

unnamed-2

Today you hastily dry your eyes with the backs of your wrists, and think on a half-sob that you’re about ready to brave the rain and pay a visit to the fortuneteller-lady on 21st. For ten bucks, maybe she’ll say the things you need to hear.

Like one day someone will love you and it’s a great big world and of course there’s a heart out there that beats the same way yours does. And when you meet the person who houses that heart, he won’t care about your past except insofar as it shadows your future (and weighs on your present-day happiness). This man will have had enough of the games we have all been taught to play — have collectively gotten too good at playing — and the two of you will share an unspoken agreement that there will be none of this waiting X amount of time before responding, none of this pretending to be busy when we’re not. Not this time around.

unnamed-7

If you are very patient, and very lucky, this man will remind you that there is a purely human, sensory-sweet element to touch, even when it’s not in the least bit erotic. And the two of you will send feelings you’d thought you’d forgotten floating back into each other’s orbits. Facing you: complete, imperfect acceptance. To your left: something you can’t make out just yet. To your right: true trust. Surrounding you, suddenly: safety in numbers.

Go ahead, go on; I’m listening.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“The writer hunts for those rare moments when everything they’ve fought for on the page begins to feel as real as life itself.” -Michael J. Seidlinger

“Poems are like dreams: in them you put what you don’t know you know.” -Adrienne Rich

unnamed-6

“I used to think that the ability to turn back time would be the greatest possible gift, so that I could undo all the things I wish I hadn’t done. But grace is an even better gift, because it allows me to do more than just erase; it allows me to become more than I was when I did those things. It’s forgiveness without forgetting, which is much sweeter than amnesia.” -Shauna Niequist

“It is possible to live happily in the here and now. So many conditions of happiness are available — more than enough for you to be happy right now. You don’t have to run into the future in order to get more.” -Thích Nhât Hạnh

“You’ll notice that I haven’t talked about love. Or about happiness. I’ve talked about becoming — or remaining — the person who can be happy, a lot of the time, without thinking that being happy is what it’s all about. It’s not. It’s about becoming the largest, most inclusive, most responsive person you can be.” -Susan Sontag

“Before something great happens, everything falls apart. Just hold on long enough to get through the smoke screen.” -Keith Sweat

{Stormy PDX via @justin.watts, Pacific Ocean via @andreadabene, ominious PNW road via @charlessheltongreen, bright curvy road via @lily_rose, aerial woods shot @bdorts, Latourell Falls via @rodtrvn — all on Instagram.}

Advertisements

One thought on “Sources Say Yes

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s