An Open Invitation

So the last time we talked, I was in the midst of re-evaluating my social media situation. Meaning: my little virtual life on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest. (I never could get into Twitter.) But really: the way I’d become a Compulsive Checker, of all those things.

I haven’t posted to Instagram in a week. It feels surprisingly good. I think I’m about ready to stop hoping-you’ll-like-my-status on Facebook, too. I don’t know if I want to get rid of it entirely, but I might try it. I would like to think the people who matter would find a way to get in touch/stay in touch, but I would hate to make it hard for them.

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Pinterest isn’t really making me feel bad, so I’m still using that. Fifteen minutes here and there feels fine. The feel-good quotes actually do feel good, okay?!

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And I’ve decided/discovered something else: it’s not the blog that’s been making me feel bad — it’s the PR around it. It’s the hey, hi, hello, I wrote something — YOU SHOULD GO READ IT that really, really does not feel good. To me. Because I am like the opposite of a shouty capitals person, in real life. So here’s the deal: I’m not going to try to grow my audience anymore. Or not actively, anyway.

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I feel so, so good about this. I get to write, and you get to come — but only if you want to. Do I hope that you’ll want to? Do I hope that you’ll remember to stop by sometimes, when you’re bored at work? Well yes. Yes, of course I do. (Why start lying now?) You have an open invitation from me, always. But that’s all I want it to be.

To clarify: It’s not that I haven’t been writing about what I want to write about — it’s just that I’ve been feeling way too self-conscious about it. This way, when I hit Publish, I feel A LOT less like I’m standing up on stage, under a horribly hot set of lights. Definitely, definitely sweating through my shirt. This way feels a lot more fun.

Next time I will write about the other stuff that’s been happening, I think. Some of it is not so fun. Some of it is big and ugly and just getting worse. Exponentially worse. Even though I am trying hard. So, so hard. Here’s a preview: Operation Avoid Eating Camp.

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I’ll write about Portland again too, I think. Both Portlands. Am I thinking about going back? I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe, yeah. But not before I feel like I can say I gave the west coast a really good shot.

I’ll also write about love, because that’s my [unapologetic!] favorite. I’ll write about love as I know it now, but also about love as I hope to know it. Love as I hope to know it includes a lifetime of not-sad Sundays. And a living, breathing reason to write a thousand letters, a new one every day.

And when I’m sick of writing, I’ll go back to quoting, for a little while. Because I like that. I like this, even if I wish I could tweak it a little:

“If you wish to go to extremes, let it be in sweetness, patience, humility and charity.” -St. Philip Neri

And when I run out of ideas altogether, I’ll write about funny vegetables. Alien vegetables. As I come across them, as I see them.

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And I’ll use all the exclamation points I want, while I do it. (Scarlet Queen salad turnips!!)

Sound like a plan? Sounds like a plan.

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4 thoughts on “An Open Invitation

  1. I do enjoy reading your writing, and look forward to it — all the lights and darks of it. Please do keep writing, and healing, and being yourself. I can relate to the social media thing. I only have my blog now, which seemed like a big deal even a year ago. When I first deleted facebook around four years ago, I thought like you thought — “people will find a way to stay in touch if they really want to” — Guess what? Very few people actually did! Yet, I still feel the decision was a good one for me personally, because it allowed me to rethink ways to connect on a deeper level with people and my community.
    Sending you good vibes — Wren.

    • What a nice note — thanks for sticking around, Wren. (And commenting!) Sending you good vibes back. I really admire you for dropping everything but your blog. I feel pretty good about trying to do a similar thing, even if it only turns out to be an experiment! And I worry about losing the possibility of connections too. But then again, I think I could use a push to make more real-life connections. I’m definitely finding it hard, with everyone I love scattered all over the country…so fingers crossed!

  2. Oh yes, the whole publishing and then flicking it around the internet can drive me insane some days. I can’t be bothered some days haha. I found and followed your blog because I love what you write. I’m sure other people do as well. All the PR surrounding blogs doesn’t mean anything if the content is awful. True story. Just do you petal!

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