This is the tough part.
This is the part where you need to older-brother yourself. What do I mean by that? First I mean you need to invent a verb and consider it perfectly legitimate. But then I mean you need to knock yourself down a peg. Two pegs, three pegs. Four pegs?
Hold your horses, though. Cushion your landing, before you go gung ho. I mean it — let’s see it. A real token effort. Not be bossy…but it will hurt, if you don’t. I don’t want you to get hurt.
This is Part I. Are you ready? You have one line in which to locate your cushion.
You are not special because you are starving yourself.
I’m sorry, but anyone can do that. Anyone can say no. No, thanks.
I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, this wanting-to-feel-special business. But what you’re doing? It’s making you sick — not special.
You don’t have any more discipline than anyone else. You aren’t any extra. Cookie or no cookie.
This compulsion — this crusade — to do without? It’s not something to be proud of. If anything, it’s…it’s really sort of a warped idea.
Like you may not have a business-card-worthy job title, you may not be the proud owner of one of those [magically furnished] places with a population of two. You may not be living the life you’d imagined, you may not be supporting yourself by now — hell, you may not even be capable of taking CARE of yourself, now — but you do have this one thing: You are thin.
Yes. You are thin. And so unhappy.
Can I tell you something? Nobody is looking at you with anything even remotely related to envy. If they are looking at you, if they do see you.
This is not to say that you are not special. That you are not enviable, in any way.
You are special, but not because you can bypass the biscotti. Not because you can skip the sample, not because you can cut out the cream.
You’re special because you have hazel eyes — hazel eyes that look big and blue today, against all of that cozy cobalt cashmere. Sweater weather! SQUASH weather! Joyjoyjoy.
Yesterday your eyes were gray. Cloudy. Clouded over, for a grand majority of the day. But guess what? Not today!
But you’re not special just because you have kaleidoscope eyes. You’re also special because when you go for a walk, you see a ray of light and you get it before it’s gone. Click. You’re special because you see stories, when you look at pictures.
You’re special for some other things, too, but we’ll save those for another day. Wouldn’t want you to go get an inflated head, or anything.
It is easier, I think, to write to someone else.