Doll Person

We’re going to talk about what’s current.

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(Besides crab apples. Not cherries! Promise.)

Currently there is a dress. A dress that used to make me feel princess-y, when I put it on. (Do you have a dress like this? You must. You should. We all should.) It’s the kind of dress that made me wish that someone were waiting for me, outside of the dressing room. Or down the stairs, on the living room couch.

Hey. Hey — hi. Hi back. So…what do you think?

What do I think? I think this dress is too big, now. Much too big. Oh sweetie.

I think this dress had more body, hanging on its hanger. That’s what I really think.

Currently there is weight, falling off. But it is not just weight, is it? It is also hair. Hair, falling out. In fistfuls. It slides down the backs of my bare legs. Wet, it sticks to my anklebones. Wraps itself around my feet. I scrape every last strand off with my big toe and watch it all squiggle into the stopped drain. I have never felt as ugly as I do now.

Currently, there is something prettier than that.

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It is a pear pie, and it is perfect for one. It is petrifying.

Currently, there is nothing but blue overhead. Blue sky. And a spotlight on a row of dollhouses, just as cute as could be.

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There is a girl walking by them. Do you see her? She looks like one of the doll people, only she’s filled up too full. If you picked her up, she would spill all over the ground.

Currently there is also a ring, missing. The ring is missing. She must have dropped it. It must have slipped off her finger. She had meant to switch fingers.

There is something more than sad, currently. It’s like your usual sad, only triple the shipment. Like so much sad that you don’t know where you could possibly put it.

I don’t know where to put it.

In the window, maybe.

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“Half the world’s starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.” -Roseanne Barr

“I imagine you working on me as an algebra problem, reducing me to fractions, crossing out common denominators, until there’s nothing left on the page but a line that says x = whatever it is that is wrong with me.” -Patricia McCormick

“You’re going to leave me, aren’t you? You’ve had enough of me, haven’t you? You’re probably so tired of all this crying and all these moods, and I’ve got to tell you, so am I. So am I. Sometimes it seems like my mind has a mind of its own, like I just get hysterical, like it’s something I can’t control at all. And I don’t know what to do, and I feel so sorry for you because you don’t know what to do either. And I’m sure you’re going to leave me now.” -Elizabeth Wurtzel

“You watch the world bang door after door in your face, numbly, bitterly. You have forgotten the secret you knew once — of being joyous, of laughing, of opening doors.” -Sylvia Plath

“These are hard times. The world hurts. We live in fear and forget to walk with hope. But hope has not forgotten you. So ask it to dinner. It’s probably hungry and would appreciate the invitation.” -Libba Bray

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“Sometimes happiness is like the sound of a plane overhead. You look up to see it but it’s not there. No matter where you look you can’t find it on the sky, although the sound is still there and growing louder. You get a little frantic searching. At the same time you’re thinking, this is stupid. But you keep looking and if you do finally see it, you feel absolved.” -Jonathan Carroll

“She let out a laugh, and then she put her hand over her mouth, like she was angry at herself for forgetting her sadness.” -Jonathan Safran Foer

“Healing is a choice. It is not an easy one because it takes work to turn around your habits. But keep making the choice and shifts will happen.” -Yehuda Berg

“We can’t selectively numb emotion. Numb the dark and you numb the light.” -Brené Brown

“I’m with you. No matter what else you have in your head I’m with you and I love you.” -Ernest Hemingway

“People who have only good experiences aren’t very interesting. They may be content, and happy after a fashion, but they aren’t very deep. It may seem a misfortune now, and it makes things difficult, but well—it’s easy to feel all the happy, simple stuff. Not that happiness is necessarily simple. But I don’t think you’re going to have a life like that, and I think you’ll be the better for it. The difficult thing is to not be overwhelmed by the bad patches. You must not let them defeat you. You must see them as a gift—a cruel gift, but a gift nonetheless.” -Peter Cameron

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