The Middle Part

I’m in the middle part. The middle part is hard. There is, of course, a distinct possibility that all of this agony will be unkinked, and something really wonderful will be allowed to stretch itself out. But for now, I’m in the middle part. Trying to untangle things, and making more knots as I go.

Can we just elect to throw the whole thing across the room? That wouldn’t be very grown-up, now would it.

Do you know what I would like? Besides a week’s worth of slow Saturday breakfasts?

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I would like to bury my head in someone’s shoulder. They should be a little taller, if possible. So that my forehead would fit nicely into that little groove. I would like to listen to their heartbeat. Watch their pulse jump. I would like to be told over and over everything is going to work out. I would like this message to be pressed against my lips, until I believed it, too. Until I felt myself mimicking the words. Whispering them back.

Instead I have a single ramekin of oatmeal, cracked on one side. A baby-soft sweater, pilling at the sleeve. A mop of unruly curls — reddish in the light. I have a fleece blanket, peppered with lint. A fire escape, covered with rust. A spiral notebook — more empty than full.

I look down at the scribbles and wonder what will come of them, if anything.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“I’m with you. No matter what else you have in your head I’m with you and I love you.” -Ernest Hemingway

“Is it really that bad if someone sees who you are? Why is it humans have a problem with letting someone else see that they are human?” -Joseph Gogler

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” -Brene Brown

“Feeling beautiful has nothing to do with what you look like. I promise.” -Emma Watson

“The earth laughs in flowers.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

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“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.” -Franz Kafka

“I want love to be simple. I want to trust without thinking. I want to be generous with my affection. I want to love the whole person, not parts; and this is how I want to be loved.” -Jewel Kilcher

“My heart caves in when I look at you.” -Unknown

“Making love was never about you and me in a bed. We made love whenever we held hands.” -Unknown

“He knew why he wanted to kiss her. Because she was beautiful. And before that, because she was kind. And before that, because she was smart and funny. Because she was exactly the right kind of smart and funny. Because he could imagine taking a long trip with her without ever getting bored. Because whenever he saw something new and interesting, or new and ridiculous, he always wondered what she’d have to say about it—how many stars she’d give it and why.” -Rainbow Rowell

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“‘Love between two people can make life worth living. Real love between two people…’ He gulped suddenly and looked down at his hands. ‘It’s like this amazing explosion of joy. It’s way deeper than just normal happiness. It fills you to the very core, makes you whole.’ He coughed a little. ‘At least that’s what, you know, what people say anyway. And friendship is a kind of love, too.’” -Unknown

“Everyone has at least one story that can stop your heart.” -Unknown

“Maybe he was real. Maybe I’d made him up. Either way, he didn’t think I needed him anymore. Maybe he was right.” -Francesca Lia Block

“This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.” -Lorrie Moore

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” -John Pierpont

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“Why can’t we just have this thing where you just say ‘Just love me extra today’. If I was with somebody and they said ‘Love me extra today’, I would love them extra forever.’” -John Mayer

“I no longer think being in love is the polar opposite of being alone. I say that because I used to want to be in love again as I assumed this was the opposite of loneliness. I think being in love is an opposite of loneliness, but not the opposite. There are other things I now crave when I am lonely, like community, like friendship, like family. I think our society puts too much pressure on romantic love, and that is why so many romances fail. Romance can’t possibly carry all that we want it to.” -Donald Miller

“It is so strange, to encounter an ex. It’s as if you’re in a foreign film, and what you’re saying face-to-face has nothing to do with the subtitles flowing beneath you.” -Jodi Picoult

“You will somehow get through the slow days and the busy days and the dull days and the hateful days and the rare days, all both so delightful and so disappointing because we are all so alike and so different.” -Charles Bukowski

“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” -Leonard Cohen

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{Note: Last two photos by @nickersonross.}

 

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