I think we’re all just looking for a place to land. Just for a little rest, sometimes. A soft place to touch down — that’s what we want. Easy does it.
And maybe we could stay there, off the grid, for a few days. Or…gulp…possibly a few weeks? That’s really what we meant.
I went back to Maine because I wanted to feel something solid beneath my feet, if only momentarily. I went because I wanted a break from the constant droning in my ears. I went because I had all of these skydivers somersaulting in my stomach, and I was so sick of them.
New York City is a thrilling place to land — make no mistake about it. If you’ve ever seen the city from the sky, you know just what I mean. The first time I flew into LaGuardia I didn’t see much. Maybe it was cloudy, or maybe I was just too busy holding up the plane to do something like look out the window.
But the second time, when yet another plane was heedless of my death grip on both armrests (I said straight, why are you tilting), I got a glimpse of that view. So many lights! It was beautiful, really. There was a split second in which I felt as if I were hanging in midair, in a very pretty kaleidoscope. And someone turned it a little to the left, and it got even prettier. The colors were so close I could almost reach out and touch them.
Before this little illusion faded to black and we plummeted down to Earth, I remember sort of feeling like I was swelling with possibility. Then I realized I was actually just swelling. Perhaps it was all of those Twix.
Now, many months later, I know that NYC is not a soft place to land. You can actually pretty much count on it to throw you around a little. Some of all of this pitching and lurching has been good, and some of it has been really jarring.
I don’t know that I’ll ever think about NYC as permanent. Does permanency even exist, anymore?
I guess what I really want to know is how you choose a final destination. How on earth do you choose. Do you go for a job (that you may or may not end up liking well enough)? Do you go for a guy (who may or may not be THE guy)? Do you go for friends (who may or may not move away)?
Or do you just pick a dot on a map, and hope that there won’t be crash landing? And if all else fails, just listen to BuzzFeed?
If you say that we just need to fly by the seats of our pants, I’m not giving you any Twix.