You have not been properly loved today, and I am about to make it all better. I will look at you the way all girls want to be looked at, but there is a small chance that I might fall asleep mid-beg on your lap first.
When I wake up, I’m going to wriggle my way right into your heart. Actually, I might skid my way — these hardwood floors are not my favorite.
I don’t want to be your friend; I want to kiss your fingers. And your face — especially your face. I love your face. I know we only just met, but I want to sleep with you. Yes, up there, with you! I’m just going to burrow right in, if that’s okay? I won’t take much room.
You guys…I slept with the blanket stealer of all blanket stealers last night, and now I get it. I totally get it: why people let their dogs clamber up into their beds, why they give them funny little voices, why they feed them leftover pieces of beef tenderloin. Beef tenderloin! I’m a goner, I tell you.
Let’s add ‘dogs’ to the list of things happy people know. Carbohydrates, too. (Dimpled, salted, rosemary-studded.)
And what about walks in the woods? It is awfully nice, to go for a walk in the woods. Provided you have a halfway decent sense of direction, and you have remembered to bring along a pocket-sized bottle of maple syrup. For sugar on snow! This is another secret of happy people. (Sub-Zero-Degree-Weather Edition.)
If you’re lucky, your cell phone will be out of range. You’ll be able to crunch along in the snow and think about some things. I really need to get another job. And I should probably stop using my debit card to buy things that cost less than two dollars. I’d like to make more friends. I wonder which cookie I will meet next, and if all of this cookie eating is going to become a problem.
Also: I wonder how long it will be until I sleep beside something warm again.
If you’ve gone down THAT path, all I can say is you’re not alone.
It must have been my third month alone in NYC. Maybe my fourth? I was sobbing my way through a hot shower before work, and I brushed up against one of the stall walls by accident. Not a hard thing to do, in such an abbreviated space. I was so startled to feel something warm radiating against my skin that I just stood there for a second, leaning against the wall. Feeling completely — foolishly — comforted. But mostly I remember a longing so intense that I had to stop myself from sinking to the floor. I felt it again, this morning, when my brother’s puppy scrambled out from underneath the sheets to go romp around outside. I smoothed out the indent he’d left behind, and thought: I guess I will keep feeling this feeling, for awhile.