The Pause Button

We’re taking a break! We’ve asked for one of these once before, and we’re hoping this one turns out a little better. I think we’re already doing better. Last time didn’t involve any exclamation points. Zero.

Last time involved more grilled cheese than we’d like to admit. For both lunch and dinner, for days and days. At least we added vegetables at night. (Right in between layer one and layer two of aged Gouda.) Now that it doesn’t sting so much, I can tell you that 90% of the crying we did wasn’t because of the onions.

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This time we don’t feel like so much of a disaster. And if we are a disaster, it will not be forever. It really won’t. And we can worry about forever again in January. But for now, we’re going to be deeply appreciative of whoever invented the pause button. Did he live up around here? I’ll bet you he did.

I went for a run this morning and I didn’t see a single human being. I did see five deer, three chickens, and a hawk. It smelled like scattered pine needles and wood burning stoves and crisp, cold air. Stark, silent beauty. That’s what this place has.

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New York is beautiful too, don’t get me wrong. Especially at night, especially at this time of year.

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But it’s beautiful in a loud, insistent, look at me kind of way. It’s practically going to hit you over the head with it. Not that there is anything wrong with that. It’s just that I’m much more at home in a place like this. Where there are no dogs wearing sweaters and/or boots, where there are no sirens wailing. Where there isn’t an undercurrent of emergency, twenty-four hours a day.

Still, I do find myself missing the little life I’ve made for myself there. Just parts of it. I could do without the new air mattress every three months and the very collapsible card table. And the unidentifiable noises in the walls. (Is that a rat? It’s totally a rat!!)

I suppose that if we never went away, we would never have any stories to tell. The trick, I think, is that we must keep going away and coming back.

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Sometimes people don’t ever come back. I think that’s sad. And knowing someone isn’t coming back doesn’t always stop you from waiting. From wanting. That’s pretty sad, too.

We might as well make some toffee while we let our minds tire themselves out. This is step one in wishing ourselves a happy break. Except it might not turn out exactly the way we’d hoped. This might have had something to do with the fact that we brought back a little bit of impatience with us. We have been living in NYC, after all.

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Not to worry! Put it in a pretty basket anyway. We have all the time in the world to try again tomorrow.

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