Clear and Unclear

Forgive me for being slow on the uptake, but life experience seems to be a semi-exhilarating, semi-exhausting exercise in learning what you do and don’t like. Some things are clearer than others.

Clear: In order to feel comfortable, I need to feel like a few things will always stay the same.

Unclear: If I’ll ever adjust to the latest iPhone update.

Clear: Songs can be memories.

Unclear: Which stations to steer clear of.

Clear: Life without a lunch break makes for a rather an unhappy life.

Unclear: If I’ll ever stop craving crunchy baguette, fancy ham, sour cherry jam, and aged Manchego cheese.


Clear: There will never be a shortage of things I want to make. Example A: This halibut with fig and ginger sauce.

Unclear: How much fun cooking is when there’s no one to share with.

Clear: The only good food rule is to always take an adventure bite.

Unclear: If I’ll ever like tofu.

Clear: Adding avocado is always a good bet.


Unclear: If I’ll ever get sick of avocado.

Clear: Nicknames are a form of affection.

Unclear: If I will EVER like the nickname ‘Hannaford.’

Clear: It requires a lot of effort to keep old friends.

Unclear: How to make new friends when you’re feeling a little out of practice.

Clear: Going to a bar and sitting there alone takes a lot of courage. Warm oven-baked dates (wrapped in bacon and stuffed with salted almonds) are a good reward.


Unclear: If being social will always feel a little bit like work to me.

Clear: I love people who make me feel in italics.

Unclear: Not if I’ll ever love anyone else, but if I’ll ever stop loving him too.

Clear: All pipes under the sink should be connected to something.

Unclear: How to coax two pipes back together.

Clear: My geometry teacher should have taught me about right angles and hypotenuses using chocolate cake.


Unclear: How long this cake will last.

Clear: There is not an awful lot to like about burpees, pushups, pull-ups, planks, or 800-meter max-efforts.

Unclear: How I’ve convinced myself that I like them all.

Clear: I don’t actually need a lot of things.

Unclear: How long I’ll be able to tolerate living without an oven.


Clear: Being a little sister is really, really nice.

Unclear: If there’s anything wrong with loving my family so much.

Clear: My job is just one part of my life.

Unclear: How to act accordingly.

Clear: “You don’t need another human being to make your life complete, but let’s be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn’t see them as disasters in your soul but cracks to put their love into is the most calming thing in this world.”

Unclear: How to be that person for all the people around me.

Clear: Ricotta is a versatile cheese.


Unclear: Why it took me 21 years to try it.

Clear: There are pluses and minuses to living alone.

Unclear: How those pluses and minuses stack up to living with someone else.

Clear: There are a million connections between food and emotion, and mine often need some help getting untwisted.

Unclear: If I’ll ever understand everything that goes on in my pea-brain.

Clear: Variety is good.


Unclear: Where figs are fresh all year long.

Clear: It’s best to avoid thinking about my present situation as a permanent sort of thing.

Unclear: If writing and exercising will always help.

Clear: Life is divided into good days and days that will for make good stories later on.

Unclear: How to tip the ratio of good days to story-making days.

Clear: It would be a mistake not to add more icing.


Unclear: What to do with an entire batch of cookies.

Clear: There are worse things in life than being lonely two days out of seven.

Unclear: Whether crying makes me feel better or worse.

Clear: People will treat me like a home improvement project if that’s how I present myself.

Unclear: How to stop feeling like there’s a long list of things to work on.

Clear: I should take photos of things that make me stop for a second.


Unclear: What to do with all those photos.

Clear: It’s hard to turn off the judge-y portion of my brain.

Unclear: How to look in the mirror without frowning.

Clear: I do have marketable skills.

Unclear: For which job.

Clear: October is apple season, and that’s something to look forward to!


Unclear: If I’ll end up making my home close to my ‘real’ home.

Clear: I like mornings best.

Unclear: How I want to spend my mornings.

Clear: Everybody is insecure about something.

Unclear: How come some people are so much better at hiding it.

Clear: All of this discovery should be mostly fun and exciting.

Unclear: If anyone else is having a hard time remembering that.


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